I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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