we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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