you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
