they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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