she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
