im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think my vagina is haunted
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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