at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
