This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
