dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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