And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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