sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
