Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
