Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
