I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
