I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
