yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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