You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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