the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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