He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
