As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
