i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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