is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
