1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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