I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
