And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
