i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
