saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
