This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm too high and old for this...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
