I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
