The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
