I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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