Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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