No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
