wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
