I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
