1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
zippers are such a cool invention
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
