After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
