I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's blow job season.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
