The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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