Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
