thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
