I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
