Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
