don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
