she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
