Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS