someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
