why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
