Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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