He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
