Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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