His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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