Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
