you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
