If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Never underestimate the power of titties
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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