He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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