I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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