Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
