sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
