id be glad to
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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