how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize