We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
