Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
