her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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