So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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