I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
