Sacagawea was the original milf.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
