We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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