When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize