R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
