First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
