I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
