why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
