Whod you bang
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
