don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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