I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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