3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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