she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
